Economist or Alconomist

By: David Hague | Mon, Sep 10, 2012
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The most recognized aspect of the Science of Alchemy is the pursuit of the ability to turn a base metal into gold. This protoscience included mystical aspect that was better suited to wizards and warlocks. Eventually the confusion caused by alchemy was debunked. Scientists were able to devote their energy to more real and productive endeavors.

Today the world is bedeviled by a a modern day equivalent of alchemy. Those that study this modern day equivalent are called economists. Like many alchemists before them economists hold positions of great power and influence. Their words are listened to by world leaders with reverence and an almost fawning adoration. The emergence of economists is significantly more dangerous to the world than Wizards working in dingy laboratories trying to turn iron into gold. Economists are in the driver seat, pedal to the metal, driving us over a cliff in a manner that would make Thelma and Louise proud.

The basic alchemy that economists are preaching to the world is that we can keep borrowing more money and printing more money to get our way out of the debt crisis. This theory, like the obsession of turning iron into gold is by any measure of common sense, impossible, stupid, dangerous and absurd. However like any good 'con job', the leaders and the general population are a perfect 'mark' because they desperately want to believe the myth. The alternative is to accept that developed countries and their baby boomers are going to have to endure years of hard times and a lower standard of living while global debt is paid down, defaulted on and deleveraged. One can dress it up under the guise of trickle down , or Austrian school, Keynesian, supply side, or QE 3, stability fund, stimulus or Operation Twist but the fact remains that the baby boomers around the world lead by their Alchemists oops I meant to say Economists have driven the worlds finances into a rather deep ditch. {Think Grand Canyon].

Printing and borrowing more money would be akin to Thelma and Louise, when they hit the bottom of the Grand Canyon, taking out their shovels and starting to dig their way to China

In order to end the dangerous tyranny of the false beliefs espoused by economists there are some simple steps we can take immediately that will ensure that the world starts to make good decisions. These changes will not be expensive and will give the world some hope for a bright future.

These changes might even allow us baby boomers to look our children and grandchildren in the face and tell them we care about their future without cringing as we think about the $50 trillion dollars worth of global government debt we are bequeathing them.

The first step is to shift all financial research and opinion to Las Vegas bookies. It will be much more accurate to simply get the odds makers in Vegas to give us a line on Greece going bankrupt. Vegas can easily tell us the over /under on the impact of the Federal reserve printing more money. I believe that most people would have significantly more trust in information tabulated by Las Vegas bookmakers that they would have in information tabulated by economists.

The transition would be an easy one for most people. It would be hard for the economists. I do not want to put anyone out of work. To help Economists as they transition to more appropriate jobs in the service industry I would simply suggest that economists be required to wear a large multi colored wizard's cap whenever they are in public. The purpose of the wizards cap would be to indicate the appropriate level of 'gravitas' to anything they might say or do. I would suggest that economists should be required to finish all ther pronouncements with the words ABRACADABRA. They would then be required to wave a magic wand.

Finally I would suggest that the word economist be discontinued and replaced with the word Alconomist to reflect their connection to the Alchemists of days gone by.

You cannot turn a base metal into gold you cannot borrow and print your way out of a debt crisis. You can reach your destination if an Alconomist is your guide.

I believe if the world saw our leaders and their retinue of advisors and economists at the next financial summit wearing Magicians caps and waving magic wands while they uttered the words Abracadbra to each other the world would have a much clearer idea of the potential for success for our current world financial plan.

 


 

David Hague

Author: David Hague

David Hague
Funny Business

David has divided his time unequally for the last 30 years between the financial services, education, writing and comedy. He has spent time in financial services as an investment adviser, financial planner, sales trainer, corporate entertainer, and as a teacher of investment courses. He has also taught numerous financial courses. His work in comedy includes numerous corporate events and performances at comedy clubs. His background allows him to seamlessly move between the business world, higher education and the world of comedy and sometimes, to bring the two worlds together.

David can be reached at davidhague@rogers.com

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Source: The Contrarian Take http://blogs.forbes.com/michaelpollaro/
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